Tuning In

Prayers don't always get answered right away.

In fact, they usually don't.

I've learned a lot of patience, and put a lot of trust in God's will, about this subject.

Last night I felt well enough that I wanted to be the one to read Frankie his stories and tuck him in. I was excited about it. But Frankie not so much. He became literally angry when the idea was suggested. He only wanted Jeremy. He was still angry with me after we said family prayer and didn't even want to give me a hug goodnight.

I told Jeremy not to make a big deal out of it.

Frankie probably IS angry with me. For months our time together has been riddled with phrases like "Mommy can't do that right now." And the last few weeks I've been basically nonexistent. Mostly he has dealt with it really well, but it's got to be frustrating for him to have his life so upturned.

So as Jeremy put him to bed I sat on the couch and prayed that I would be able to start having Mothering experiences again.

This morning I was wide awake at 5:00 am. I still haven't really recovered from the hospital, when that was around the time of the bright and early blood draw. I tried to sleep, but when the garbage truck woke up Frankie at 6:30 I told Jeremy I felt well enough get up with him.

I helped him go potty. I went down the stairs by myself. I got him his drink of milk and bowl of cereal. Then we snuggled on the couch and watched his shows. Later, I picked out his clothes for the day.

A miracle. An instant answer.

This morning, I got to be a Mother.

Break on through to the other side

This afternoon I have felt well.

This afternoon I can look at the picture below and literally laugh out loud. I look like a grumpy old lady. I was just trying not to think about the fact that I was getting someone else's blood because it grossed me out. Still does actually - it's in there! But it helped me.

Lots of things helped me. People helped me the most. To know I was and am so loved made it all easier to bear. Thank of you for flowers, cards, messages, visits, and most of all prayers.

The Lord has helped me. I've given this all to him. What will be, will be. He is with me when it's at it's best, and when it's at it's worst.

As a side note, if you're sick for like 3 months, get help. Don't just sit on your couch and hope that you'll get better. Because that's what lands you in the E.R. I'll be kicking myself for it for a long time.

This kid is beautiful. He's a miracle, really. Because more biological children for us is kind of a question now. He's handled everything really well. We're so grateful to live close to family so that he could stay with his grandparents while we were at the hospital. He got to come visit us at the hospital and it would make me so happy. All the nurses loved him. I'm so excited to be able to take care of him again. The little things like making his lunch and giving him his bath.
Bad photo of some of my beautiful flowers. Frankie made me the card.


The carnage on my poor arms after we got home.

Let me tell you about Jeremy. About Jeremy rubbing my back and handing me my water when I was in excruciating pain. Sleeping on the hard couch next to me the whole week. Helping me shower and do my hair and get dressed. Monitoring my meds. Telling me I still look beautiful even though my stomach is swollen and my face is disfigured. Telling me it's going to be okay and that he has faith in my strength. I love my husband. His touch soothes me and his presence is sometimes all I need. He is a prince among men. I am so glad to have him.

This was the first time at the hospital that I wasn't connected to the IV, and all I wanted was to sit by Jeremy.

Since he's here - I'll make it. And it's as simple as that.